34 is a weird age. It’s young enough to still be at peace about being single and thinking myself “I still got plenty of time to do X,” but it’s already old enough to feel out of touch with some things (dancing on TikTok?) and to be looking back on a good number of years of “adult life” (say the last ~10 years of my life).
So here I am, at 34, thinking about life, and realizing that my biggest fear is not aging, death or illness. These are the inevitable elements of life that we all will face at some point. No, my biggest fear is time running out and not having made the most out of that time. Because that is actually evitable.
Truly the question I ask myself every day is “am I making the most of my limited time?” 25 is gone. 27 is over. 30 has happened. 32 I will never get to experience again. So soon enough I will back on 34, and I will ask myself: “did I really make the most out of that year?” Did I live fully and truly? Can I unequivocally say that I made the most under all the limitations I had? “Limitations” by the way can be anything from a sick parent you have to take care of, to your day job, to a lockdown or an expired passport.
On a daily basis this means that I wake up and ask myself “What do I need to have done/accomplished today to feel good about myeslf?” Writing this blog post for example was on my list for today. So was going for a walk around the neighborhood, as well as journaling, cooking, listening to music, calling friends, and reviewing Chinese vocabulary. As you can see, things that are more on a “pragmatic to-do” level. If I can end the day knowing I did the things I wanted to do, I feel good about myself and about the fact that I used my time well.
Zooming out, on a more monthly basis, I ask myself more high-level questions such as “What are my priorities in life right now and do I have them right?” or “Am I really doing the things that matter to me?” Sometimes I also ask myself “What would I need to do differently to be more satisfied in life?” As you can see, more directional questions, trying to make sure my plans and actions are aligned with what I want in my life. Some the questions I ask myself currently are how long I am comfortable being nomadic, if I am willing to leave SF for NY, or if I am on track for whatever I want professionally (a specific experience, promotion, etc.). Feeling this sense of alignment is encouraging and affirming.
The question of whether you are making the most of your life is really subjective and relative. Did I do make the most of 25, 27, 30, or 32? I don’t know. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. What would be the point of beating myself up over that now anyway? When it’s over, it’s over. That’s why I find it important to ask that question not retrospectively, but more contemporarily as you go through your life.