Would you rather be cut off or stuck in?

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Yesterday I was talking to a very good friend in Shanghai. In fact, he was one of the people I credit for sparking my fascination with China since he was the trip leader of my first trip there in 2016. Prior to China, he had taken me to North Korea, so you can tell I trust him. 

When I moved to China in 2017, he was in New York. Then in 2019 he moved to Shanghai, and there was the brief moment when we both overlapped. And what’s nicer than having a like-minded friend around you, someone whom you trust and respect, and someone who you connect with on a level that few do (we both have a shared interest in the concept of “cultural fluency”). 

Fast forward to today, I have been out of China since Jan 2020. He, on the other hand, has been stuck in China since then. We were catching up, exchanging updates from our lives, but also talked about what it must be like for each of us to be in the situation we are in. 

Shanghai, for me, is a dream of a place. I miss it dearly, and if there was a genie right now asking me what place I’d like to be magically warped to, I’d probably say Shanghai. Maybe it’s because I have all these fond memories, but maybe it’s also because I know I can’t be there (wanting what we can’t have). My time there was pure magic, I felt a level of energy and alignment that I haven’t felt ever since. 

My friend on the other hand, he is stuck there. Leaving China to visit family is basically a one-way journey with a return that is so unpredictable and cumbersome, that one wouldn’t go unless they really, really had to. He is happy there, China is a self-sufficient world in itself, work is keeping him busy, but he is also cut off, isolated, removed from the West. As someone who was born/raised in the US, he has neither seen family, nor can he leave the country to reconnect and recharge with his non-China communities before returning to China. 

Covid has been painful for so many, especially those separated by strict borders. I have so many foreign friends in China who haven’t gotten out since the pandemic started (friends with newborns where the grandparents haven’t seen the kids; friends who are close to family but can’t see their parents; etc.). I also have so many Chinese friends in the US who haven’t been able to return to China to see their families (most tech companies don’t allow for remote work from China due to security concerns … so a single trip back home would consist of 3+ weeks of quarantine to see the fam for 2-3 weeks? Really difficult with limited vacation time in the US). 

I think the worst part is that there is no end in sight. Countries like China or Singapore who pursue a no-case policy towards COVID, will continue to enforce strict laws around border crossings. Quarantine in China can easily extend to 4 weeks in some places (and depending on where you come from). And that’s if you are lucky enough to actually get a visa these days (I tried it, it’s nuts).

Following that call, I kept thinking about our dilemmas. Me, cut off from China, impossible to visit a place and people I miss dearly. Him, stuck in China, removed from family and friends. My life goes on, his life goes on. But I kept wondering what’s harder? Or asked differently, what position would I rather be in if I could choose? Would I rather want to be cut off from a place I think about every day? Or would I rather be stuck in a place where life goes on as normal, but disconnected from parts of my life? 

No answers in this post, just a question to ponder.